Post Placement Reports

      Even before we had finished our home study for Jonathan's adoption, we had already been filled in on Post Placement Reports.  Each country has different requirements, but all of them have some "accountability" built in so that the adoptive family reports back to the birth country as to how the child is doing in his new home.  The requirements for us are reports done at 6 months home, then one year, 18 mths. and 2 years.  As of yesterday, Jonathan has been in our home for 5 months.  wow.  Our adoption agency is on the ball and had us do the home visit with a social worker for his 6 month report earlier this week.  This is to ensure that the report can be finished promptly (the agency social worker writes it up and attaches pictures that we provided of Jonathan in our home) and have plenty of time to make its way to Bulgaria before it is expected.  Adoptive families being faithful in this helps to assure the dependability of the program for years to come.

     I completely enjoyed the visit with the social worker because it made me think through the past five months very clearly.  The social worker had a checklist of sorts to establish Jonathan's levels of capability in many areas.  That gave us a very tangible way to see how far he has come in just 5 months!!  The first list of things were accomplishments that most 3 and 4 year olds can attain.  MANY of them were not true of Jonathan when he joined our family, but ARE true now.  Praise the Lord for that!  How amazing.
    
     This won't go into the report, but when I have stopped to think back over the months, here is how I categorize them:  
   First month -- Difficult, but lots of learning was going on.... language learning, new skills learning, learning the routine, learning roles within the family, etc.
   Second month (or maybe for the next 6 weeks) -- More difficult because of direct defiance at every turn... from refusing to sit at the table and cooperate with our school schedule and any activities, to refusing to put on his seatbelt in the van, to ..... just about anything that I required of him.  I'm not sure that I've ever prayed for more wisdom, patience, and understanding love than I did during those weeks.  It peaked one day--- That day is vividly etched in my memory (but I DO hope that Jonathan has forgotten it because it was not a happy day!)  At that one huge climax apparently the Lord knew I'd reached my limit, because miraculously, Jonathan has never had another tantrum since then.  I needed a miracle, and He gave me one.  I was on proverbial pins and needles for the following weeks, just waiting for something to set him off.  I was too apprehensive to say that we'd passed a huge milestone because I wasn't so sure that the tantrums had ceased; -- I thought maybe I was just getting a well appreciated "breather!"  However, he has been doing SO much better handling his anger.  I really DO think that we got over the hardest place on that day, and that we won't go back there again (naturally, I may be wrong!!).  Of course, that's not to say that he's never shown defiance since then-- because as I've stated here before, he is one stubborn little guy.  We clash directly every day about something or other.  But, the chanting, kicking, yelling, awful fits have stopped.  They stopped on that horrible day that has turned out to be the day of my miracle!
   From about week 10 onwards--  things have slowly been getting better and more stable.  We struggle hard with "bonding and attachment."  Jonathan quite honestly is not very attached to us.  But, we have created several "rituals" like the go-to-bed-routine.  He misses it when something changes in an out-of-the-ordinary way....  like when Dan was in the hospital.  However, it's not really clear if it's honestly because he misses us (because it really doesn't seem like that is the case) or if he's just wanting the security of the routine....  or even more likely--  he doesn't like it when things happen out of his control, and he wants to stay in close control of his little environment.  But, regardless, he IS making progress in that area -- the area of beginning to give a little bit of affection, and receive it willingly.  So, we are rejoicing greatly in the times that we can look back and compare where he is now to where he once was  --- and see how far he has come. 

Photo Shoot

   Photography is a hobby of all of our older girls.  They are all getting really good at it, too!  Not long ago, Anna and Sarah were out with Jonathan and took the camera along.  From the looks of the shots they got, he thoroughly enjoyed being the center of attention!!

This one cracks me up.  Jonathan and Justin each have a pair of charcoal gray sweatpants.  Two different times now, Jonathan has put on Justin's pants.  He is totally oblivious to the fact that they are several sizes too large for him.  He never realized that they were Justin's pants until I told him!!!

And, you just must have a goofy picture, so here it is!!  :

 

An Unexpected Start

   At the time of my last post, Dec. 16th, we had finished school for the day, for the weekend (it was Friday) and for the next 2 weeks because it was the beginning of our Christmas break.  I had lots of plans.  I had all sorts of things I was going to do.... areas that I needed to organize, presents to wrap, one more shopping day planned with the kids so that they could buy a few gifts.
   Dan was not feeling well at the time.  He had the day off, and had gone into the doctor that morning.  They couldn't find anything wrong with him....  no fever, normal urinalysis, normal blood work, normal X-ray.  However, he had been having pain in his lower abdomen for 2 days, and it was getting worse.  He went to bed early (that's probably when I made my post), but was up again in a good bit of pain by 11:00 pm.  We started self-diagnosing (suspecting appendicitis), and he decided to try to go to bed again and see if it got worse.  In just a few hours, we were up and heading to the ER.  I left a note for the kids.  In less than an hour, while in the ER, his appendix ruptured.  He was transferred by ambulance to another hospital where he could have surgery.  Christmas vacation plans changed!!
   The kids were great!!  My mom, dad and sister all were close by to help out, and our 3 oldest girls did wonders to keep things moving smoothly at home.  I honestly was completely  pleasantly surprised by how well Jonathan did.  God most certainly gives grace when you need it.  It was the first time that we'd been away overnight from him..... and this was not just overnight.... it was over 36 hours before we returned home.  Sunday evening we made it back and continued on with "Plan B" for Christmas vacation.  Things didn't get done in the timely way I'd wanted.  The shopping trip was put off until the following Friday after Dan had gotten his drainage tube removed and was doing better.  My "to do" list has a lot still "to be done!"  But, even after the surprise to our holidays, the Lord blessed us with lots of happy times to remember!

Christmas crafts!

More hand-made things--

Decorating cookies

Ready, Set ....

Dig in!!!

Completing the Advent calendar

Opening presents

One of the best gifts:  Family!



What's Missing?

   Challenges have been many over the past few months...  It can be easy to fall prey to our enemy's subtle attempts to lapse into negativity about things that go on around our household.  I really don't want to do that.  We have come a really  long way in the past 2 months.  Hopefully I will have more of a chance to blog about that in the 2 weeks we are taking off for Christmas vacation.  But, for tonight, I wanted to at least get a quick post done here, and let it be a good reminder of what we have NOT had to face at all during the 4 months that Jonathan has been home with us.
    When we started learning about adoption and what all we could be up against, I remember several things standing out to me.  One was sleeping problems.  Night terrors are very common in children who have been raised in institutions.  Sleeping problems in general are to be expected.  So, I mentally prepared for the months after Jonathan came home to be sleep-disruptive times.  Praise the Lord, it was not to be!  He sleeps wonderfully well.  I can only think of three  times that I have even heard a peep coming from his bedroom, and that was actually more like talking in his sleep than any type of distress.  He not only goes to sleep well, he even sleeps LATE!!  Wow--  He's always the last one up every morning, and on Saturdays when there is no reason to get up, he will usually sleep much later still.  Amazing!
   The second issue of which we were highly warned was about eating habits.  Many children who live in orphanages have sensory problems that affect the way they like or dislike food and its textures.  So many (who have been raised in institutions similar to the ones he was in) have had very, very limited diets, mostly of mashed foods like porridge, and things with any varied texture turns them off.  Finding foods that the kids will eat can be a challenging situation.  OR -- these kids might  react to having been hungry all of their lives by consequently trying to eat everything in sight.... gorging until they actually throw up, and hoarding food in their bedrooms.  I was anticipating time at the table being times of concern.  However, (praising God again on this one!!) Jonathan will surprisingly eat basically anything we put on his plate!!  He was only used to bland-tasting things, and even calls regular ketch-up "spicy", but he will still eat it, because his brother and sister eat it, and he wouldn't dare be left out on anything!!  (O.K.  -- so occasionally that strong tendency toward comparison works in our favor!!.... not that I care if he eats ketch-up, but it works great when Leslie and Justin call broccoli 'yummy', so Jonathan thinks it is, too!!)  We saw right away on our "Gotcha Day" that -- given the chance -- Jonathan would definitely gorge himself with food.  But, it doesn't seem to be as a result of having faced a lot of starvation.  He just doesn't know when to quit.  He WILL choose to quit if everyone around him is finishing up with the meal and is choosing to go on to do fun things.  Remember, he doesn't want to be left out of anything, so he's learned that if he doesn't keep filling his plate with seconds and thirds, he can finish faster and go join in on the fun!!  He is typically a very slow eater, and that works in our favor, too..... except on mornings that I'm trying to get him to hurry and he is eating his Cheerios one by one (which is OFTEN!!)  By the time he finishes his first healthy serving of whatever is for dinner, everyone else is usually long gone, and he'll finish up just to go find out what Leslie or Justin is doing. 
   So, while we HAVE had a fair share of troubles in adjusting to other areas, issues with sleeping and eating have been conspicuously missing from our household, and I am VERY grateful!!!

Fantastic Field Trip

  A couple of weeks ago we had an appointment in Montgomery in the morning.  Since the school day was already going to be very out-of-whack, I decided that it was time for a Field Trip instead of "regular school."  We're studying American History this year, so Dan's mom met us in Montgomery, and we took the kids to the Alabama Archives building. 

It is downtown, right beside the state capitol building.  In fact, if you look in the picture above, you can see the reflection of the capitol in the doors of the Archives!

We had a very nice tour guide, and he shared many facts that we had recently covered in our home school studies.  Actually, most of the items we saw went right along with our units of history!  I always appreciate it when a field trip is very good reinforcement to what I've been trying to get across!!

There is a new addition of Native American rooms which Justin enjoyed!

And, we had just  finished a unit on the Civil War, so this part was very applicable:

When we had completed the tour and actual museum-type part of the building, we went down the hall to "Grandma's Attic." 

This is the only part of the Archives that I had brought the girls to when they were little.  They loved to play dress-up then, and ....  well, some things never change!!  :)

"Grandma's Attic" is a hands-on place for kids to experience different aspects of life in Alabama throughout history.  It has LOTS of activities.  This one was Jonathan's favorite:

We did manage to get him away from the train set long enough to join the others in dressing up, though:

And, the final one when I got them all together!  LOTS of fun!!!

 

Fun Fall Photos

   I was determined to post some fall pictures before we got too far into the Christmas season!!  Each year our family generally carves a pumpkin sometime toward the end of October.  It's never your "normal" carved pumpkin  with triangle eyes and nose.  Usually anyone who would like to draws a picture, we choose the favorite, and Daddy carves it into the pumpkin with help from everyone else.
       

 This year, Jonathan was in the middle of the fun.  He wasn't too sure exactly  what was going on, but he decided after a few minutes that he DID like the goopy mess.  At first, he wasn't too sure.

     The younger kids helped Daddy, and the older girls helped me in the kitchen while we tried a new recipe of home made carmel.  After the pumpkin was finished, we sliced apples and had carmel sauce for dipping!

Here is the finished product!

This year it was in honor of one of the much-loved pets around here....

Rachel's beloved bunny, Fudge. 

More fun fall shots:

Jonathan continues to love being outdoors. 

Justin and Daddy on a walk, returning from "The Back 40."  I love that this picture shows Jessie (our dog) right where she is the happiest...  If Dan or any of the kids leave the yard, she is always with them.

Actually, even in the yard, Jessie's always with them.  Here, Justin had raked up a bunch of leaves.  He and Leslie had fun jumping into them, and then he got a good book he'd been reading and read out loud to her until it was too dark to see.  Jessie sat close beside until they had gone indoors.....

Then, SHE took a turn jumping in the leaf pile just to make sure she wasn't missing out on anything!!  It was hilarious.

"It doesn't matter--" or does it???

   Jonathan's English learning can bring up some very funny comments.  The rest of us get to see what phrases we say the most, because those are the ones that he learns the easiest.  It's all about repetition.  One big thing that he hears from me very often is, "It doesn't matter."  The reason for this repeated phrase is that Jonathan is big into comparisons....  you know, "Leslie's piece of cake is bigger than mine..."  or   "Justin's apple is bigger than mine..."  or "Leslie's turn on the swing lasted for 10 minutes and my turn wasn't that long."  Things like that.
   Well, my reply is usually, "Jonathan, it doesn't matter.  Your apple will probably be bigger next time.  It doesn't matter.  Your turn will probably be longer next time."  And, most of the time, it is....  but he doesn't usually remember  those times!!
   In fact, the kids were letting him go first on so many things around here, that he somehow got it in his mind that going first was somehow getting the bad end of the deal.  So, he started saying things like, "You kissed me first last night.  Kiss Justin first tonight...."  or   "I went first in this game yesterday.  Make Leslie go first today..."   So, again, my reply was, "Jonathan, it doesn't matter!!!!   It doesn't matter who is first...  it just doesn't matter!! 
   So, I should not have been surprised in the least when this particular phrase entered his vocabulary!!  It was still VERY funny when he used it the first time!
   We were doing his spelling during school time.  I called out a word, and he misspelled it.  I told him, "Try again.  You've got this word wrong."  He looked at me and said very casually, "It doesn't matter."  Ha Ha!!  Well, ummm, lots of things don't  matter, but this particular one does!
   This has become our family's private joke whenever something doesn't go the way someone thinks it should.  We look at each other with a sarcastic look and say, "It just doesn't matter!!"  :)