Saturday, July 2, 2011


  My heart is just sad today.  It's just one of those days that when I come to the computer and see his sweet face standing there between Dan and me on the computer screen saver that it just hurts not to have him here.
  I had been doing so well and waiting so patiently and keeping myself so occupied and busy.  I had been thinking of him and praying for him and been excited about the day that we could see him again, but today it just feels HARD.  The waiting seems LONG.
  I had intended to post today about what I've been doing to keep myself busy and occupied, but right now I just want to post about Teddy.  The day before yesterday, Shelley sent me a link to the videos (TWO!!  :)  ) that she'd made of Teddy while she was there.  I've already watched them a few bajillion times, and I know them by heart....  even the Bulgarian!!  Ha!~  Actually, because of the context of the situations, I can usually figure out what he and Toni are saying to each other.  And, of course, they aren't very long....  but, he's the cutest thing counting to 10!  And, of course he looked straight to Toni afterwards for praise just like he did when we were there and he sang a Bulgarian song for us!!
  Yesterday I got to talk to Shelley on the phone about her trip to BLG and Teddy's orphanage.  The director let her take a whole tour and she got some pictures and a little bit of video.  We're getting a plan underway of how to help make some (very needed) renovations on several rooms of the orphanage.  More on that later.
  So, what's making me feel so down?  It's the fact that he is so bored right now.  School is out, he has very little to do at the orphanage, and the very sad reality is that they let him sit in front of the TV for hours at a time.  From what Shelley said, they even still have him sleeping in the little downstairs room by himself.  That just bothers me VERY much.  The very honest reality is that he is now (and has been) forming habits that are going to be hard to break.  Those of you that know me certainly know that we do not spend hours watching TV!  :)  And, we do not have TVs in our bedrooms in this house.  We do not fall asleep watching TV every night, which is what Teddy is doing every night.  Night time TV.  Every night.  Just can NOT be good.  And, he seems to be just sort of "let loose" to do his own thing.  Around the orphanage, he just kind of does at he pleases.  Now, the reason for this is that -- as I've said before -- he's the highest functioning kid in the institution.  Many of the kids are not mobile, most are much more mentally disabled, and all of them need more attention and hands-on care than Teddy does.  So, the hard fact is that they just don't have time to relate very much to a kid who can care for his own needs.  As a result, he is just left to himself.  And, he is bored. 
  I just LONG to have him here--  to interact with him, be teaching him new things, opening his world to lots more than those hard-working care-givers who just have limited time could ever show him.  I WISH that we could have him here now and begin NOW breaking those habits instead of giving him more months to let them become even more ingrained.
  That's my longing.  That's my heart.  And, yet -- God knows my heart.  He knows my Teddy.  He's got us both in His hands.  I can rest there.  I just have to choose to.

PS -- Just before I was ready to click on "Publish Post,"  I chose instead to preview it.  Before it brought up my post to let me read what I'd written, my blog title came up.  What a perfectly timed reminder.  Yep--  ALL the desires of my heart.  I'd just written that "God knows my heart."  He certainly knows all the desires of it, and most certainly will bring it all to pass....  In HIS time.  My part now is to delight myself in Him.

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