TIME

    Not long ago, I was looking through my journal and a thought that had occurred to me in January came back so clear.  I am not an every day journaler, but it is so good for me to write down thoughts and prayers whenever I get a chance.... mostly because of the blessing that I get later from being able to come back and see what all God has done since then, and see what amazing answers He has given in the meanwhile.

    Anyway, as I had recorded before in this post, God answered my pleadings for His intervention when I was having such a hard time with Jonathan.  It really was very clearly an answer to prayer, and Jonathan STILL has not had another tantrum since that awful last day....  Praise God for that one!!  (Do you hear my relief and gratitude?!?) 

   In the next couple of months that followed, there wasn't really another situation in which we saw night-and-day difference in his behavior.  We just sort of settled into better patterns gradually.  He slowly started to give in to things that were not his choice without too much of a fight.  Apparently, it really started to "click" that the consequences for certain behaviors were NOT going to go away, and he began to yield little by little  in different areas.

   Since there was no absolutely obvious moving of the Hand of God, I subtly started thinking that it was just TIME itself that was making the changes.   -- You know the saying:   "Time heals all wounds." 

   Well, I realized one day in January that quite honestly --

 that just isn't true!

   Rather than try to think up different words to express what I was thinking back in January, I'll just quote my thoughts that I wrote out as a prayer in my journal:

"As time has gone by with Jonathan here, my enemy and the subtleness of the world tempts me to think that it is just TIME itself that is making the changes.  I should know better.

Yes, Jonathan is maturing.

  He is responding to discipline. 

 He is learning self-control and how to handle his anger. 

 But, it's not happening by chance. 

 It's not just that time heals all wounds.  

 Time does not heal ALL wounds. 

 Lots of wounds fester;  lots of broken hearts become bitter;

lots of people never learn self-control. 

 Lord God,   IT IS YOU.  

You  are doing this work. 

It is not coincidence. 

 It's not that it just would have worked itself all out in the long run

 no matter what. 

It's not that Dan and I are such great parents

 or that we just have such selfless love for orphans. 

 No, No, NO. 

 Let glory be given where glory is due. 

It is you and you alone. 

 You are  using time in which to do it,

 but it is Your  hand moving the hearts and the hands of time." 

Look What Jonathan Can Do!

   Well, yes, it has been forever since I added a new post.  Time started going by, and then it became easier and easier NOT to blog than to make myself sit down and record all that's been going on.

    Not long after I made my last post, Jonathan had an appointment with the orthopedist, who happens to be a family friend!  We had a great time in his office, and it DID shed some light on what all has been going on with Jonathan over the years.  Thanks to some input from my sister (who is an O.T.), we'd already been having Jonathan do different kinds of exercises meant to help strengthen his arms and his legs.... mostly his left side.  And, we'd already seen a lot of improvement.

    It seems that so many times you take a kid to a doctor and freely volunteer all of his symptoms to the physician, but when it comes time for an examination, the kid acts as if nothing is wrong at all....  all of those symptoms melt away, and the child acts like he's never been healthier.  How many times has a baby cried all night long only to go to the peditrician with an exhausted mother the next morning as soon as the doctor's doors open.....  only to smile and giggle and play like he's never felt better?!?  Well, I felt very much like that mother!!  Over the phone, I expertly told the orthopedist about how he limps, how his left foot always turns in, how he hitches his arm up to walk, how he couldn't bend his left leg outward, how his file said that he'd had a surgery in 2009, how his file said that he had had a dislocated pelvic joint as a baby, etc.  We went in to the office, had X-rays done, and Jonathan was sitting on the table in the exam room when the doctor first came in to see him.  Before he even asked Jonathan to get down, he looked at the X-rays.  Everything looked perfect.  He said that Jonathan's left hip joint looked better than the right one (which made me believe I'd read the file incorrectly!)  Then, he asked Jonathan to walk down the long hallway so that he could observe his movements.  With the doctor, a technician, and several nurses looking on, Jonathan very steadily walked down that hallway withOUT a hitch, withOUT a limp, and withOUT turning his left foot in AT ALL.  I was speechless.  They all looked at me with questioning eyes, as if to say, "...and what are you here for???"  Still dumbfounded, I walked back into the exam room with the doctor, and said, "You just have to believe me!  I've never seen him walk that way before!  I'll take videos at home and send them to you as proof!!"  So, to further complicate things and make it seem as if I'd totally made the entire thing up, the doctor examined his left leg and could NOT even tell at all where an incision was made in his left leg for a surgery during 2009.  I knew that it certainly wasn't obvious, but a doctor in Sofia had seen him during the mandatory physical required by the U.S. immigration, had looked at the area, and had questioned Jonathan on his surgery, so I just assumed that our doctor would see whatever that doctor saw.  Apparently, that doctor had only seen the record of the surgery in Jonathan's medical file like I had.... he likely didn't see a scar, either.  Our orthopedist honestly knew that I wasn't LYING, so he pieced together the things that we were saying and the things that we were seeing.

   Jonathan was born with mild cerebral palsy which affects his left side.  That actual diagnosis was not in his file.  However, we knew from the description in his file that until the surgery, he walked on his left toes.  Our orthopedist suspects that his Achilles tendon was quite rigid and wouldn't allow his foot to step down normally.  When he walked, he most likely lifted his left arm up to give him more momentum in moving forward.  Jonathan's surgery in 2009 was done with 3 small incisions in the back of his Achilles tendon.  They made 3 little cuts into his Achilles which lengthened the tendon and helped his foot to be able to relax and step down normally.   Because he was only 7 years old at the time, his foot healed easily and well, and since the incisions were small, they are really not noticeable.  The surgery could have been done even earlier, but maybe the orphanage had not had the funds for it until that point.  Or, they just waited until he was about ready to start to school, and then decided that walking more normally would give him a better chance of doing well at school... being able to participate more freely in physical activities as well as prevent some inevitable teasing that would go with an obvious handicap.  Either way, he had spent a little over 5 years walking with a "clumsy gait,"  -- as his medical file stated (--their words!)

     It's funny how your brain and body work.  Apparently even though he has the capacity to walk correctly now (as demonstrated in his perfect exhibition for the orthopedist!! :)  )  he most often just relapses into what habits he had set for those 5 years.  He no longer walks on his toes, but the limp is there and his arm hitches up when he is not concentrating on walking (or when there are no doctor's eyes viewing him!!  Ha Ha!)  He actually does it a lot more when he is in a hurry -- -which he was NOT in the doctor's office.  He sensed that it was very important to perform well, so he walked slowly and with care.

    Another thing that the orthopedist suggested I watch for is to see if it increases as the day goes on.  In thinking back, I knew immediately that this was true.  The more tired he gets, the more Jonathan limps, and the more his foot turns in.  Again, even though he CAN walk normally, due to the cerebral palsy, his muscles get tired more easily, and he responds by taking the easiest way out -- dragging his foot more, and turning that foot inward.  It takes more effort to keep the foot in line than to let it turn in.... so in order to relieve some effort when he is tired, he just lets it relax more.

   When we first met Jonathan, this was the only way he would sit:

        

 His legs really wouldn't cross into the "Indian style" position.  He only sat in the "W" position.  This picture was taken in our hotel room in Sofia the day after leaving the orphanage. 

But, look at him now!!

Again, now we know that he really could have moved his legs into this position, but it would have caused a lot of effort and discomfort on his part.  Because he'd never had therapy of any kind that we know of, he would have had to have decided on his own that he wanted to go through the pain of stretching those muscles out.  Well, that just wasn't happening!!  And, because he was very mobile (even though "clumsy"), he was in a LOT better shape than most of the kids in his orphanage!!  Even if there was lots of therapy available for children in that orphanage, he would have (understandably) been

at the bottom of the list.

  But, with our pushing him and requiring him to do more, stretch more, sit in different positions, etc., he has quickly gained more flexibility and has even worked up some muscles that you can see and feel when he pumps his arm like a muscle man!!  :)  While he does like being able to run faster and have more strength, he does not like the "exercise routine" very much at all.  I haven't taught him the "No pain, No gain" phrase yet, but I don't think he'd appreciate it very much!!  :) 

 We just appreciate it for him!!

Below are some of his exercises.  He's doing toe-raises on the bottom step of the stairs.  His left calf muscle was quite underdeveloped.  It's still smaller than the right leg, but he's making progress.

His mouth is always open and his tongue gets as much of a workout as the rest of his body!!  :)

He always like to show off his muscles.  When he first came home, we'd just chuckle because there were none there!!  Here he stuffed a ball into his sleeve so that he'd look VERY strong! 

Post Placement Reports

      Even before we had finished our home study for Jonathan's adoption, we had already been filled in on Post Placement Reports.  Each country has different requirements, but all of them have some "accountability" built in so that the adoptive family reports back to the birth country as to how the child is doing in his new home.  The requirements for us are reports done at 6 months home, then one year, 18 mths. and 2 years.  As of yesterday, Jonathan has been in our home for 5 months.  wow.  Our adoption agency is on the ball and had us do the home visit with a social worker for his 6 month report earlier this week.  This is to ensure that the report can be finished promptly (the agency social worker writes it up and attaches pictures that we provided of Jonathan in our home) and have plenty of time to make its way to Bulgaria before it is expected.  Adoptive families being faithful in this helps to assure the dependability of the program for years to come.

     I completely enjoyed the visit with the social worker because it made me think through the past five months very clearly.  The social worker had a checklist of sorts to establish Jonathan's levels of capability in many areas.  That gave us a very tangible way to see how far he has come in just 5 months!!  The first list of things were accomplishments that most 3 and 4 year olds can attain.  MANY of them were not true of Jonathan when he joined our family, but ARE true now.  Praise the Lord for that!  How amazing.
    
     This won't go into the report, but when I have stopped to think back over the months, here is how I categorize them:  
   First month -- Difficult, but lots of learning was going on.... language learning, new skills learning, learning the routine, learning roles within the family, etc.
   Second month (or maybe for the next 6 weeks) -- More difficult because of direct defiance at every turn... from refusing to sit at the table and cooperate with our school schedule and any activities, to refusing to put on his seatbelt in the van, to ..... just about anything that I required of him.  I'm not sure that I've ever prayed for more wisdom, patience, and understanding love than I did during those weeks.  It peaked one day--- That day is vividly etched in my memory (but I DO hope that Jonathan has forgotten it because it was not a happy day!)  At that one huge climax apparently the Lord knew I'd reached my limit, because miraculously, Jonathan has never had another tantrum since then.  I needed a miracle, and He gave me one.  I was on proverbial pins and needles for the following weeks, just waiting for something to set him off.  I was too apprehensive to say that we'd passed a huge milestone because I wasn't so sure that the tantrums had ceased; -- I thought maybe I was just getting a well appreciated "breather!"  However, he has been doing SO much better handling his anger.  I really DO think that we got over the hardest place on that day, and that we won't go back there again (naturally, I may be wrong!!).  Of course, that's not to say that he's never shown defiance since then-- because as I've stated here before, he is one stubborn little guy.  We clash directly every day about something or other.  But, the chanting, kicking, yelling, awful fits have stopped.  They stopped on that horrible day that has turned out to be the day of my miracle!
   From about week 10 onwards--  things have slowly been getting better and more stable.  We struggle hard with "bonding and attachment."  Jonathan quite honestly is not very attached to us.  But, we have created several "rituals" like the go-to-bed-routine.  He misses it when something changes in an out-of-the-ordinary way....  like when Dan was in the hospital.  However, it's not really clear if it's honestly because he misses us (because it really doesn't seem like that is the case) or if he's just wanting the security of the routine....  or even more likely--  he doesn't like it when things happen out of his control, and he wants to stay in close control of his little environment.  But, regardless, he IS making progress in that area -- the area of beginning to give a little bit of affection, and receive it willingly.  So, we are rejoicing greatly in the times that we can look back and compare where he is now to where he once was  --- and see how far he has come. 

Photo Shoot

   Photography is a hobby of all of our older girls.  They are all getting really good at it, too!  Not long ago, Anna and Sarah were out with Jonathan and took the camera along.  From the looks of the shots they got, he thoroughly enjoyed being the center of attention!!

This one cracks me up.  Jonathan and Justin each have a pair of charcoal gray sweatpants.  Two different times now, Jonathan has put on Justin's pants.  He is totally oblivious to the fact that they are several sizes too large for him.  He never realized that they were Justin's pants until I told him!!!

And, you just must have a goofy picture, so here it is!!  :

 

An Unexpected Start

   At the time of my last post, Dec. 16th, we had finished school for the day, for the weekend (it was Friday) and for the next 2 weeks because it was the beginning of our Christmas break.  I had lots of plans.  I had all sorts of things I was going to do.... areas that I needed to organize, presents to wrap, one more shopping day planned with the kids so that they could buy a few gifts.
   Dan was not feeling well at the time.  He had the day off, and had gone into the doctor that morning.  They couldn't find anything wrong with him....  no fever, normal urinalysis, normal blood work, normal X-ray.  However, he had been having pain in his lower abdomen for 2 days, and it was getting worse.  He went to bed early (that's probably when I made my post), but was up again in a good bit of pain by 11:00 pm.  We started self-diagnosing (suspecting appendicitis), and he decided to try to go to bed again and see if it got worse.  In just a few hours, we were up and heading to the ER.  I left a note for the kids.  In less than an hour, while in the ER, his appendix ruptured.  He was transferred by ambulance to another hospital where he could have surgery.  Christmas vacation plans changed!!
   The kids were great!!  My mom, dad and sister all were close by to help out, and our 3 oldest girls did wonders to keep things moving smoothly at home.  I honestly was completely  pleasantly surprised by how well Jonathan did.  God most certainly gives grace when you need it.  It was the first time that we'd been away overnight from him..... and this was not just overnight.... it was over 36 hours before we returned home.  Sunday evening we made it back and continued on with "Plan B" for Christmas vacation.  Things didn't get done in the timely way I'd wanted.  The shopping trip was put off until the following Friday after Dan had gotten his drainage tube removed and was doing better.  My "to do" list has a lot still "to be done!"  But, even after the surprise to our holidays, the Lord blessed us with lots of happy times to remember!

Christmas crafts!

More hand-made things--

Decorating cookies

Ready, Set ....

Dig in!!!

Completing the Advent calendar

Opening presents

One of the best gifts:  Family!



What's Missing?

   Challenges have been many over the past few months...  It can be easy to fall prey to our enemy's subtle attempts to lapse into negativity about things that go on around our household.  I really don't want to do that.  We have come a really  long way in the past 2 months.  Hopefully I will have more of a chance to blog about that in the 2 weeks we are taking off for Christmas vacation.  But, for tonight, I wanted to at least get a quick post done here, and let it be a good reminder of what we have NOT had to face at all during the 4 months that Jonathan has been home with us.
    When we started learning about adoption and what all we could be up against, I remember several things standing out to me.  One was sleeping problems.  Night terrors are very common in children who have been raised in institutions.  Sleeping problems in general are to be expected.  So, I mentally prepared for the months after Jonathan came home to be sleep-disruptive times.  Praise the Lord, it was not to be!  He sleeps wonderfully well.  I can only think of three  times that I have even heard a peep coming from his bedroom, and that was actually more like talking in his sleep than any type of distress.  He not only goes to sleep well, he even sleeps LATE!!  Wow--  He's always the last one up every morning, and on Saturdays when there is no reason to get up, he will usually sleep much later still.  Amazing!
   The second issue of which we were highly warned was about eating habits.  Many children who live in orphanages have sensory problems that affect the way they like or dislike food and its textures.  So many (who have been raised in institutions similar to the ones he was in) have had very, very limited diets, mostly of mashed foods like porridge, and things with any varied texture turns them off.  Finding foods that the kids will eat can be a challenging situation.  OR -- these kids might  react to having been hungry all of their lives by consequently trying to eat everything in sight.... gorging until they actually throw up, and hoarding food in their bedrooms.  I was anticipating time at the table being times of concern.  However, (praising God again on this one!!) Jonathan will surprisingly eat basically anything we put on his plate!!  He was only used to bland-tasting things, and even calls regular ketch-up "spicy", but he will still eat it, because his brother and sister eat it, and he wouldn't dare be left out on anything!!  (O.K.  -- so occasionally that strong tendency toward comparison works in our favor!!.... not that I care if he eats ketch-up, but it works great when Leslie and Justin call broccoli 'yummy', so Jonathan thinks it is, too!!)  We saw right away on our "Gotcha Day" that -- given the chance -- Jonathan would definitely gorge himself with food.  But, it doesn't seem to be as a result of having faced a lot of starvation.  He just doesn't know when to quit.  He WILL choose to quit if everyone around him is finishing up with the meal and is choosing to go on to do fun things.  Remember, he doesn't want to be left out of anything, so he's learned that if he doesn't keep filling his plate with seconds and thirds, he can finish faster and go join in on the fun!!  He is typically a very slow eater, and that works in our favor, too..... except on mornings that I'm trying to get him to hurry and he is eating his Cheerios one by one (which is OFTEN!!)  By the time he finishes his first healthy serving of whatever is for dinner, everyone else is usually long gone, and he'll finish up just to go find out what Leslie or Justin is doing. 
   So, while we HAVE had a fair share of troubles in adjusting to other areas, issues with sleeping and eating have been conspicuously missing from our household, and I am VERY grateful!!!

Fantastic Field Trip

  A couple of weeks ago we had an appointment in Montgomery in the morning.  Since the school day was already going to be very out-of-whack, I decided that it was time for a Field Trip instead of "regular school."  We're studying American History this year, so Dan's mom met us in Montgomery, and we took the kids to the Alabama Archives building. 

It is downtown, right beside the state capitol building.  In fact, if you look in the picture above, you can see the reflection of the capitol in the doors of the Archives!

We had a very nice tour guide, and he shared many facts that we had recently covered in our home school studies.  Actually, most of the items we saw went right along with our units of history!  I always appreciate it when a field trip is very good reinforcement to what I've been trying to get across!!

There is a new addition of Native American rooms which Justin enjoyed!

And, we had just  finished a unit on the Civil War, so this part was very applicable:

When we had completed the tour and actual museum-type part of the building, we went down the hall to "Grandma's Attic." 

This is the only part of the Archives that I had brought the girls to when they were little.  They loved to play dress-up then, and ....  well, some things never change!!  :)

"Grandma's Attic" is a hands-on place for kids to experience different aspects of life in Alabama throughout history.  It has LOTS of activities.  This one was Jonathan's favorite:

We did manage to get him away from the train set long enough to join the others in dressing up, though:

And, the final one when I got them all together!  LOTS of fun!!!